things that cross my mind

I think as a parent, especially a stay-at-home parent, you have good and you have bad days. Some days, my 4 year old listens to me, doesn't have an attitude, picks up her toys and plays gently with her sister. Holly takes long naps and mom gets to shave her legs in the shower. But then, there are bad days, mom doesn't get a shower at all, holly won't freakin close her eyeballs even when they're rolling in the back of her head cause she's so tired and Lacey has a meltdown because she wanted crushed ice in her water, not cubed. And I find myself losing my damn mind. I've come up with a list of things I swear cross my mind every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. 

-I'm going to make today a fun day, Lacey and I will do crafts together while sister naps and we can prance around together after we freshly manicured our nails and finished our makeup 

-Yep, not doing makeup today, don't even get a shower. No time for crafts, don't really feel like cleaning up the mess by myself when Lacey gets tired of it after two minutes. 

-My goodness, I seriously have the cutest kids ever, let's have an impromptu photo session. 

-Oh look, holly puked all down the front of her and the cats licking it off the floor. 

-Is it already time to feed these kids lunch? I just finished my breakfast!

-How the f am I going to manage three of these kids?

-Is Kameron off work yet??

-Sure, I'd love to watch Little Rascals for the ninth time today

-They're hungry again. Wtf

-Please take an hour long nap, I need to change my sweats

-What the hell am I making for dinner tonight? 

-Aww, hollys so cute, lets wake her up so we can all snuggle

-Nevermind, go back to sleep

-OMG it's only two o'clock 

-OMG it's already four o'clock 

-Is Kameron off work yet??

-Lets attempt to get dinner started, you sit here, you go watch tv and no one freak out for just a few minutes, please?

-HE'S HOME

-Eat the damn food, I'm not making you a different meal in an hour 

-Oh weird, you're hungry again? Good, I saved what you didn't eat for you on the table 

-Better start winding kids down for bed. HALLELUJAH 

-Lets relax together and watch a few shows 

-Nevermind were both falling asleep on the couch, lets just go to bed 

-Was I a good mom today? Did I tell the kids I love them enough? Does Kameron think I hate him? Seriously, should I go kiss Lacey again? I should check Facebook one more time, no lets just actually go to sleep. 

-Can't do that, the stupid cat is running around like a freak! 

-OK goodnight world 

I don't think for the next five years I will have any different thoughts running through my head than I do now. Maybe more of them, but always the same, the one that always haunts me though, is the 'Am I a good mom?' And you know what, I know I'm a great mom, so why do we question ourselves so much? My biggest goal in 2016 is to realize that Kameron and I are amazing parents, we do love each other unconditionally and we can conquer anything as a family. Yes, everyone has bad days but I'm beginning to realize that those bad days, really aren't so bad after all.