I choose happy

In the past few months, I've noticed myself crabby, grumpy, all over the place and haven't been able to quite figure out why. In the few months before I had holly, I remember constantly feeling anxious, like there was always something that needed to be done and I found myself short with Lacey and frustrated with her for just being a three year old. It seems like ever since I had holly, it's gotten worse. I constantly feel like I can't be sitting on the couch, watching The Price is Right while she takes her morning nap, because there is SO much I should be doing. Dishes, laundry, a shower for myself, sweeping, vacuuming, etc. Which granted, those are things that need to be done but by the end of the day, I'm thoroughly exhausted and feel like I spent my day frazzled because I was always worried about what needed to happen next. I'm trying really hard to understand that those things really don't need to be done 24/7. It's ok to have the house a mess for a day if it means I get quality time with my girls. I'm trying so hard to get that pounded in my head. Why do us moms feel the need to pressure ourselves this much? Plus, I either look homeless for the day, which is always when unexpected guests happen to stop by, or I waste an hour of my time getting ready for nothing. I'm pretty sure my three year old and three month old don't care if my hair is done, or my eye makeup is flawless, but for some reason, I feel like I have to put myself together. And it gets old! Ugh- being a woman, lol. In these months, I've found myself loosing my cool with Lacey over the stupidest things, and then the sad look she has on her face after I yelled at her, it's so heartbreaking and haunts me when I lay down for bed at night. I'm learning to get back to a better place, a place where I was when she was 4 months old like holly, where I didn't care if we laid on the floor for two hours and played with toys, the dishes and laundry will be there indefinitely, my girls childhood will not be there indefinitely. Waaaahhh! I'm learning to let it go, and embrace this crazy, chaotic, life. My kids will never remember that the shelves weren't dusted, or that the laundry is still in a basket, not folded for three days. They'll remember the times we giggled until we almost peed our pants, and the movie nights we share with daddy and the mess we made when baking in the kitchen. And that is truly, all that matters.