1 week as 5

I can't believe I'm sitting here today, thinking about Levi being a week old tomorrow. I know, a week isn't that long, but let me tell you how sad I am that this first week is already gone. I've been struggling with adjusting to the new reality that I will never again have a baby this small. I will never again smell that baby/hospital smell, or hear that first whimper and cry. I find myself staring at this little boy, and my throat starts to well up because I don't want anymore time to slip by. Holly is almost exactly one year older than him and the difference between the two is unbelievable. How can so much change in just one year? One year from now, I will be so far from this newborn, sleepy stage and it breaks my heart to think about it. Obviously- three kids is plenty and my life is going to be insane with Holly and Levi so close in age, but, to know I don't even have the option in the future to have another is a lot to wrap my head around. I've told Kameron multiple times already that it's a good thing I went through with my tubal while at the hospital, because I honestly don't know if I would've gone back and done it. Like I said, three is totally awesome and I really don't even think I would want more, it's just the fact that i can't. 

This last week actually hasn't been too bad. We came home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, Kameron went back to work on Thursday and I will say, that was probably the hardest day. The kids were great but the pain I was in from my tubal was so unexpected. Thankfully, each day just seems to get better and better. Over the weekend, we just relaxed and took it easy, it was SO hot in our house on Sunday and we finally got it to cool down around 3 am. Today is Monday and I feel like this is my first day in the real world with all three of them. Somehow, I've managed to shower, clean the entire house, even wash my sheets and mop the floors. And a bonus-everyone is alive and fed! It will definitely be a huge change going from two to three. Holly is still not walking, so I find myself not knowing how to carry both her and Levi. I desperately need to visit the grocery store, but don't have enough balls yet, so I think I'll save that trip for when dad's home and can watch the kids. 

I can't even believe that we finally have our son. I keep thinking that we have wanted this little boy for so long and he's finally here. All 6 lbs of him, with his skinny little legs and short boy-ish hair. I could literally stare at him all day. He loves his head rubbed and would lay on my chest all day if he could. I crawl into bed at night with him and snuggle him close, with the smell of newborn spit up all over my shirt and I don't mind at all. He wakes me up every few hours for a quick diaper change and feeding and then snuggles back in for another few hours. I literally feel so overwhelmed with love for my entire family, I could just cry. Hopefully, our second week will go just a tad bit slower, I don't want to miss a thing. ❤️

Update ❤️

Just wanted to share a little bit about the past few weeks for everyone curious so that my phone isn't blowing up constantly lol. 

For about two weeks, I have been going to our local hospital twice a week for ultrasounds and stress tests when we found out baby was measuring a little on the small side. Everything was seeming to pan out well, and on my LAST stress test, I came in not knowing I was contracting 3 minutes apart, which then turned into 2 minutes apart. Today, I am 34 weeks,3 days. Much too early for the Port Angeles hospital to deliver me, so they opted to airlift me to Swedish Medical Center. I was shipped out around 5 pm on Thursday and when arriving here, I was dilated to 2 cm.  My contractions continued throughout the night, even while on heavy doses of medication to stop them, which brought me being dilated to a 4-5. 

I have been told so many different stories and still have no idea what will happen or when, so I appreciate everyone's respect of letting us deal with this as a family while getting through this tough time. 

Unfortunately, after all the progress of getting to a 4, things have completely stalled out today. The thing that sucks about that is because I am so far progressed in my cervix, there is no way they're letting me out of this place until I either deliver him, or the Port Angeles hospital feels comfortable delivering a preemie-which more than likely is still about a week and half out. 

So for now, I'm sitting in a room, being monitored and watched closely, because being this far along, all it would take is for things to pick back up for an hour and  I could potentially have him two hours from now. Or, he could stay in there until he's 40 weeks. There is really no guarantee what will happen or when, but I know that being here at Swedish is the best place for him to arrive. 

Kameron just left, heading for home to be with the girls this evening and if there is still no progress tomorrow, they will visit for the day tomorrow. Ultimately, my life will revolve around this hospital and seeing the girls as much as I can in these next few weeks, if I can go home to bed rest in the next week or so, I would LOVE to be with them, rather than here. But , if little guy wants to make an entrance, he will definitely be in the NICU for at least a few weeks. 

Life is totally crazy, but we always manage to come out on top and i know we will do just the same in this situation. I will keep everyone as updated as I can, but please keep in mind, that we don't have the answers either! 😊 

Current photo of little guy- 34 weeks 3 days. Measuring about 4 lbs 6 oz 💙

catching up

Lately, I've just been feeling so thankful for this insane life I live. There are plenty of days when I want to pull my hair out, the kids are both crying at the same time, the dogs won't stop barking at a tree, the floors are dirty and my laundry is piling up. But then there are days when all of that is happening, and my girls are still smiling at me every time I glance at them. And I've realized that they aren't going to remember the laundry, the dishes or that I hadn't vacuumed that morning, they're going to remember when mom laid on the couch and snuggled all day, or the day mom was super motivated and we did fun art projects and ventured outside. I truly can't even believe how fast time flies by. I've started to brainstorm Hollys first birthday party and Lacey only has two months left of school this year. I start my third and final trimester of pregnancy tomorrow and it's starting to hit home that 1.)I'm about to have another tiny human joining our family and 2.) I'm literally never in my life going to be 28 weeks pregnant again. And not that I enjoy being pregnant, but it's a very weird feeling to know that I will never experience these things again. A close friend of mine gave birth to her baby boy today and the picture brought me to tears, I can still smell that hospital smell of a fresh baby, the overwhelming feeling of love for someone you just met, the pain of childbirth recovery and the cries of a newborn baby. All of those things, I get just one more time. And with our son. It doesn't get better than that. I know that I must go through with getting my tubes tied, because if I don't, I will be wanting another one within six months time. I think for my sanity and the marriage with my husband, we should probably keep it at three lol. I just have so much running through my head lately that I don't know whether to cry, scream or laugh, but it's all good, I know that much. 

So much has gone on in the past few months, Hollys first year is almost over and I can't believe how much she's changed and grown into this special little girl. She just recently started pulling herself up on things and has already given herself quite a few bruises in the mean time. I can't quite decide if I really want her walking by the time I have the baby or not, while it may be convenient, it could also be terrible lol. 

This last weekend was so fun with the kids, I feel like we're always busy with something and we didn't have too many plans so it was nice to relax. Friday night, Lacey had a movie night at her school where we watched The Good Dinosaur. She's never been to a real movie before so I think at first she was confused why it was so loud and why the lights were off, but both the girls did so good the whole time, so it gives me hope that we could sometime soon bring Lacey to the movie theater. On Saturday, we ran some errands and then had a little fire outside, roasted marshmallows and hot dogs and just enjoyed our time with the kids. They had so much fun "pretend camping" even when it rained a little bit. 

My dad decided it was time for a gun for Lacey, so he got her her first pink BB gun. The funny little girl she is, she thinks it's a PP gun, and I convinced her to shoot it once. I think dad is having more fun with it than she is. They spent the evening scouting for crows to shoot at. 

I can't wait for summer nights with these two! And to maybe, just maybe have a little bit of a finished yard for them to play in, won't hold my breath though lol. On Sunday, it poured outside and was super stormy, we took a trip to the feed store for Trigger and the girls got to see the baby chicks. I promised if Lacey helps set up a brooder, we'll add a few more to our flock this year ;). Holly was in love with the chicks but she seems to love any animal! Great, another child obsessed with animals. 

We colored Easter eggs in the afternoon! Somehow, it always sounds so fun in the beginning and then mom ends up finishing all the un-colored eggs. But it was fun while it lasted. Holly sure wanted to help, but her idea of helping right now is not my cup of tea. She did color a few though! 

Holly experienced her first watermelon slice at dinner on Sunday and she is in love. I think she's had watermelon for every meal and snack since then. 

And to finish off our weekend, we fed the scraps to the bunnies and chickens and cut some fresh flowers outside for the kitchen. I can't say enough how much I love weekends with no real plans. 

Looking forward, I know that we are going to be so busy, but for now, I'm enjoying this dreary Monday, sitting on the floor in the playroom, listening to the kids giggle and play. I can't imagine my life any better than it is in this very second, but I know, the best is yet to come. 

things that cross my mind

I think as a parent, especially a stay-at-home parent, you have good and you have bad days. Some days, my 4 year old listens to me, doesn't have an attitude, picks up her toys and plays gently with her sister. Holly takes long naps and mom gets to shave her legs in the shower. But then, there are bad days, mom doesn't get a shower at all, holly won't freakin close her eyeballs even when they're rolling in the back of her head cause she's so tired and Lacey has a meltdown because she wanted crushed ice in her water, not cubed. And I find myself losing my damn mind. I've come up with a list of things I swear cross my mind every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. 

-I'm going to make today a fun day, Lacey and I will do crafts together while sister naps and we can prance around together after we freshly manicured our nails and finished our makeup 

-Yep, not doing makeup today, don't even get a shower. No time for crafts, don't really feel like cleaning up the mess by myself when Lacey gets tired of it after two minutes. 

-My goodness, I seriously have the cutest kids ever, let's have an impromptu photo session. 

-Oh look, holly puked all down the front of her and the cats licking it off the floor. 

-Is it already time to feed these kids lunch? I just finished my breakfast!

-How the f am I going to manage three of these kids?

-Is Kameron off work yet??

-Sure, I'd love to watch Little Rascals for the ninth time today

-They're hungry again. Wtf

-Please take an hour long nap, I need to change my sweats

-What the hell am I making for dinner tonight? 

-Aww, hollys so cute, lets wake her up so we can all snuggle

-Nevermind, go back to sleep

-OMG it's only two o'clock 

-OMG it's already four o'clock 

-Is Kameron off work yet??

-Lets attempt to get dinner started, you sit here, you go watch tv and no one freak out for just a few minutes, please?

-HE'S HOME

-Eat the damn food, I'm not making you a different meal in an hour 

-Oh weird, you're hungry again? Good, I saved what you didn't eat for you on the table 

-Better start winding kids down for bed. HALLELUJAH 

-Lets relax together and watch a few shows 

-Nevermind were both falling asleep on the couch, lets just go to bed 

-Was I a good mom today? Did I tell the kids I love them enough? Does Kameron think I hate him? Seriously, should I go kiss Lacey again? I should check Facebook one more time, no lets just actually go to sleep. 

-Can't do that, the stupid cat is running around like a freak! 

-OK goodnight world 

I don't think for the next five years I will have any different thoughts running through my head than I do now. Maybe more of them, but always the same, the one that always haunts me though, is the 'Am I a good mom?' And you know what, I know I'm a great mom, so why do we question ourselves so much? My biggest goal in 2016 is to realize that Kameron and I are amazing parents, we do love each other unconditionally and we can conquer anything as a family. Yes, everyone has bad days but I'm beginning to realize that those bad days, really aren't so bad after all. 

oh december..

I can't believe we're already so close to the end of the year. 2015 has been such an amazing year and brought some of the greatest memories to our lives. My sweet Holly turned six months a few days ago and I can not believe how fast her first year is going by. We've been so busy around here, that I know that's why it seems time is flying by. Lacey is still loving school and has her first concert on Thursday! I can't wait to see her up on the stage. I think one of the most exciting things that's been going on is that our driveway is finally being finished!! I know, to some people that may seem trivial, but let me tell you how terrible this year has been without a real driveway. We went from terrible mud, to super dry, dust everywhere when you came in. Literally, I couldn't get out of my car for at least a full minute so the dust storm could pass. And now we're back to mud. Mud so bad, you are required to use four wheel drive or you won't be making it out of there. But thankfully, a few days ago, Kameron and Dan started on the driveway and I'm hoping they will be able to finish today. I think the first thing I might do is bring holly on a walk in her stroller, we'll actually be able to make it down the road! You guys really have no idea how much this means to me, lol. 

Life has been so good with both my girls. 

Aren't they literally the cutest things you've ever seen?! For Halloween, Lacey dressed as Doc Mcstuffins and Holly as Lambie. I don't think I have a cuter picture of Holly than how she looks in that costume. My heart melts when I see her little grin behind all that fur. 

We spent thanksgiving at a lot of people's homes. It definitely verified for me that we aren't going anywhere on Christmas! While it was nice to see everyone, it really makes for a long day for the kids and makes mom and dad grumpy when we have to run all over the country side all day. We attempted a family picture, here's the outcome 

Hollys cute little grumpy face makes it that much better ❤️ 

Some days i just want to squeeze them so hard they pop, and my heart explodes with love, and then there's the days when real life happens, and I want to squeeze them so hard they pop, hehe. Just kidding, but really, parenting is so hard! And it's so crazy how each day is truly a new adventure. We have amazing days and we have days where we don't accomplish anything since no one feels like cooperating. And I've learned to realize that's okay. Besides school days, we don't run on schedules, we go with the flow and don't push too much. And I feel like that's the best thing I've done with my second child. There's nothing to feel unaccomplished about when there is no to-do list. And don't get me wrong, we still have tons of crap to do all the time, but not being on a time frame, not pushing everyone out the door makes for a lot less stressful of a day. I keep worrying that this time next year, there will three of these little babies to get out of the house and that freaks me out a little, but I know that if we keep our same outlook and remember to always seek the positive, we'll be just fine :) 

We got our Christmas tree the day after thanksgiving in preparation for Christmas!! I have a little almost-four-year-old who can not wait for Christmas this year. I'm so excited to wake up Christmas morning and see the look on her face. There is nothing better than seeing the joy in your child's face. 

I'll let everyone know how our walk goes on the new driveway ;) we can hardly wait! Until then...❤️

country chicks

On Friday, last week, the girls and I, plus my mom, drove about three hours to a junk market called Country Chicks in Chehalis, WA. It was so fun! There were 100+ vendors there with tons of stuff and I ended up scoring a few finds I've had my eyes out for lately. 

This cute little planter that I stuffed with oregano, thyme and mint. 

And this fun vegetable crate that I put in the center of my island full of pumpkins and gourds. I feel like it will be a fun piece as the seasons change to add things to. 

The girls were literally so good the entire day. Lacey wandered the whole time and finally found something she wanted, a star fish. And Holly didn't make a peep the whole time! Although, I think next time I might leave the kids home and bring a lot more money ;)

Over the weekend, we spent a lot of our time outside, we're trying to soak up as much sunshine as we can, I know that it will soon be gone! Kameron brought an excavator home and fixed some drainage problems we had last winter in front of the barn, all of the water was flowing directly into the barn and flooding the stalls, which meant the horses were standing in water pretty much 24/7, not good. There's a 100% chance of rain tomorrow, so I guess we'll figure out if his plan worked or not! We also fell a big maple tree that was right next to the barn, it was much overdo, I was holding on to it being there because I love what they look like in the fall, but in a mini wind storm we had about a month ago, the top fell out of it, smashing our horse fence, which was repairable, but if it fell on the barn, we wouldn't be so fortunate. So it had to go. And it actually looks awesome without it! The horses have so much more room now for their feedings and this morning I saw them all laying down, taking a mid-morning nap, so they must approve :) 

Of course since there was an excavator here, that meant we also needed to rip up any other piece of grass that I had around here, (ugh) and Kameron directed the water away from the barn on the south side as well. 

There ended up being way more excess dirt than he expected, so I inadvertently got him to make my garden area. We have to do some sort of enclosed garden, the deer around here are relentless, so that's still a work in progress, so we'll get there by next spring! 

Lacey spent some time grooming the horses, it's so amazing to see her have a bond with these special animals, I'm not sure she quite understands how powerful Ronnie is yet though, when she gets brushed, she really likes to say thank you by rubbing on you or pushing on you, as an adult, she pushes me around and she got Lacey this weekend lol. Lacey was standing up on a stool combing her mane and Ronnie swung her head around to say thank you, which in turn, threw Lacey off the stool, whoopsies! 

It obviously didn't seem to deter her away from the horses however, she enjoyed a conversation with mocha in the grass later. 

I'm so thankful for this girl, Holly, and my life in general, especially my husband. He really has made my dreams possible and I know that I don't thank him enough. Tonight, I'm going to make him biscuits and gravy for dinner, his fave, and enjoy his company. Until then, I'm laying on the floor with my three year old who's measuring my four month old with a measuring tape, she says Holly's head measures 14 pounds. 

That must be a pretty spiffy tape measure if it weighs a persons head ;)

our short weekend

Lately, every weekend seems to get shorter and shorter. Kameron has been working tons on getting the race track fixed which has meant late nights during the week and no sight of him on the weekends. Thankfully, I think they're getting close to done. He had to take a small break on Saturday so we could get my dad moved into his new house. I had fun taking over everything in his possession and organizing it to my liking. Saturday evening we had a Wicked dinner at Fanaticus and were able to get away from the girls for a few hours. It's so crazy how all week I'm desperate for a break and feel like my head might explode if I don't get some sort of adult interaction, but then I'm away from them for three hours and I miss them so much. When we got back home from dinner, Lacey had fallen asleep on the couch, Daddy packed her to her bed and Holly was asleep in her swing. Seeing the two of them sleeping before I could even say goodnight was a little heart breaking. Suck it up, Taylor, it was only three hours. As crazy as they make me, there's no way I could ever escape from them for even a full day, I would miss them too much! 

On Sunday, we had a lazy day, thank goodness, and pretty much just hung out in the house and watched football. We did have a bit of a frenzy right before the game started, of course my damn ponies decided to get out of the hot fence somehow and ventured to the neighbors house. Our big horse, Ronnie, was freaking out, pacing the fence line and talking like crazy, she's only been with us a couple months and they're all already super herd bound. Great. Unfortunately, I don't think she'll be as easy to catch as the boys so I'm terrified of her getting out of the fence. There's just one more project to add to our list-redo the fence, yay! Thankfully, we got it mended-ish for now. 

Holly had her first experience with baby food today! We tried carrots and she totally loved them! I was super impressed with her, Lacey has always been a terrible eater so I'll be lucky if this one isn't picky. She didn't eat much for her first little snack, but she did great with the spoon! I think for the next couple months we'll start some purée's, and once she's six months, we might try some BLW. I'm super excited! We let her chew on some cantaloupe Friday night and she loved it, so hopefully we'll have success there too. 

After her snack, we also tried a jumperoo I got her at a garage sale for a steal! Her little legs reached the floor, but when we pulled her out, her feet were cold so I think it may have been cutting circulation off, lol. She seemed to really enjoy having the toys right in reach! We'll definitely be trying out that thing more often. 

It was a weekend full of firsts for her! 

Last week our chickens started laying so Lacey has been having so much fun checking for eggs every day. There were two in the coop today! 

We have way too much fun on our mini farm! It was a fun, relaxed weekend for us. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for our schedule this week, so I'm going to enjoy the Toy Story marathon with Lacey for now and watch my sweet jojo snooze away...