1 week as 5

I can't believe I'm sitting here today, thinking about Levi being a week old tomorrow. I know, a week isn't that long, but let me tell you how sad I am that this first week is already gone. I've been struggling with adjusting to the new reality that I will never again have a baby this small. I will never again smell that baby/hospital smell, or hear that first whimper and cry. I find myself staring at this little boy, and my throat starts to well up because I don't want anymore time to slip by. Holly is almost exactly one year older than him and the difference between the two is unbelievable. How can so much change in just one year? One year from now, I will be so far from this newborn, sleepy stage and it breaks my heart to think about it. Obviously- three kids is plenty and my life is going to be insane with Holly and Levi so close in age, but, to know I don't even have the option in the future to have another is a lot to wrap my head around. I've told Kameron multiple times already that it's a good thing I went through with my tubal while at the hospital, because I honestly don't know if I would've gone back and done it. Like I said, three is totally awesome and I really don't even think I would want more, it's just the fact that i can't. 

This last week actually hasn't been too bad. We came home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, Kameron went back to work on Thursday and I will say, that was probably the hardest day. The kids were great but the pain I was in from my tubal was so unexpected. Thankfully, each day just seems to get better and better. Over the weekend, we just relaxed and took it easy, it was SO hot in our house on Sunday and we finally got it to cool down around 3 am. Today is Monday and I feel like this is my first day in the real world with all three of them. Somehow, I've managed to shower, clean the entire house, even wash my sheets and mop the floors. And a bonus-everyone is alive and fed! It will definitely be a huge change going from two to three. Holly is still not walking, so I find myself not knowing how to carry both her and Levi. I desperately need to visit the grocery store, but don't have enough balls yet, so I think I'll save that trip for when dad's home and can watch the kids. 

I can't even believe that we finally have our son. I keep thinking that we have wanted this little boy for so long and he's finally here. All 6 lbs of him, with his skinny little legs and short boy-ish hair. I could literally stare at him all day. He loves his head rubbed and would lay on my chest all day if he could. I crawl into bed at night with him and snuggle him close, with the smell of newborn spit up all over my shirt and I don't mind at all. He wakes me up every few hours for a quick diaper change and feeding and then snuggles back in for another few hours. I literally feel so overwhelmed with love for my entire family, I could just cry. Hopefully, our second week will go just a tad bit slower, I don't want to miss a thing. ❤️

Update ❤️

Just wanted to share a little bit about the past few weeks for everyone curious so that my phone isn't blowing up constantly lol. 

For about two weeks, I have been going to our local hospital twice a week for ultrasounds and stress tests when we found out baby was measuring a little on the small side. Everything was seeming to pan out well, and on my LAST stress test, I came in not knowing I was contracting 3 minutes apart, which then turned into 2 minutes apart. Today, I am 34 weeks,3 days. Much too early for the Port Angeles hospital to deliver me, so they opted to airlift me to Swedish Medical Center. I was shipped out around 5 pm on Thursday and when arriving here, I was dilated to 2 cm.  My contractions continued throughout the night, even while on heavy doses of medication to stop them, which brought me being dilated to a 4-5. 

I have been told so many different stories and still have no idea what will happen or when, so I appreciate everyone's respect of letting us deal with this as a family while getting through this tough time. 

Unfortunately, after all the progress of getting to a 4, things have completely stalled out today. The thing that sucks about that is because I am so far progressed in my cervix, there is no way they're letting me out of this place until I either deliver him, or the Port Angeles hospital feels comfortable delivering a preemie-which more than likely is still about a week and half out. 

So for now, I'm sitting in a room, being monitored and watched closely, because being this far along, all it would take is for things to pick back up for an hour and  I could potentially have him two hours from now. Or, he could stay in there until he's 40 weeks. There is really no guarantee what will happen or when, but I know that being here at Swedish is the best place for him to arrive. 

Kameron just left, heading for home to be with the girls this evening and if there is still no progress tomorrow, they will visit for the day tomorrow. Ultimately, my life will revolve around this hospital and seeing the girls as much as I can in these next few weeks, if I can go home to bed rest in the next week or so, I would LOVE to be with them, rather than here. But , if little guy wants to make an entrance, he will definitely be in the NICU for at least a few weeks. 

Life is totally crazy, but we always manage to come out on top and i know we will do just the same in this situation. I will keep everyone as updated as I can, but please keep in mind, that we don't have the answers either! 😊 

Current photo of little guy- 34 weeks 3 days. Measuring about 4 lbs 6 oz 💙

catching up

Lately, I've just been feeling so thankful for this insane life I live. There are plenty of days when I want to pull my hair out, the kids are both crying at the same time, the dogs won't stop barking at a tree, the floors are dirty and my laundry is piling up. But then there are days when all of that is happening, and my girls are still smiling at me every time I glance at them. And I've realized that they aren't going to remember the laundry, the dishes or that I hadn't vacuumed that morning, they're going to remember when mom laid on the couch and snuggled all day, or the day mom was super motivated and we did fun art projects and ventured outside. I truly can't even believe how fast time flies by. I've started to brainstorm Hollys first birthday party and Lacey only has two months left of school this year. I start my third and final trimester of pregnancy tomorrow and it's starting to hit home that 1.)I'm about to have another tiny human joining our family and 2.) I'm literally never in my life going to be 28 weeks pregnant again. And not that I enjoy being pregnant, but it's a very weird feeling to know that I will never experience these things again. A close friend of mine gave birth to her baby boy today and the picture brought me to tears, I can still smell that hospital smell of a fresh baby, the overwhelming feeling of love for someone you just met, the pain of childbirth recovery and the cries of a newborn baby. All of those things, I get just one more time. And with our son. It doesn't get better than that. I know that I must go through with getting my tubes tied, because if I don't, I will be wanting another one within six months time. I think for my sanity and the marriage with my husband, we should probably keep it at three lol. I just have so much running through my head lately that I don't know whether to cry, scream or laugh, but it's all good, I know that much. 

So much has gone on in the past few months, Hollys first year is almost over and I can't believe how much she's changed and grown into this special little girl. She just recently started pulling herself up on things and has already given herself quite a few bruises in the mean time. I can't quite decide if I really want her walking by the time I have the baby or not, while it may be convenient, it could also be terrible lol. 

This last weekend was so fun with the kids, I feel like we're always busy with something and we didn't have too many plans so it was nice to relax. Friday night, Lacey had a movie night at her school where we watched The Good Dinosaur. She's never been to a real movie before so I think at first she was confused why it was so loud and why the lights were off, but both the girls did so good the whole time, so it gives me hope that we could sometime soon bring Lacey to the movie theater. On Saturday, we ran some errands and then had a little fire outside, roasted marshmallows and hot dogs and just enjoyed our time with the kids. They had so much fun "pretend camping" even when it rained a little bit. 

My dad decided it was time for a gun for Lacey, so he got her her first pink BB gun. The funny little girl she is, she thinks it's a PP gun, and I convinced her to shoot it once. I think dad is having more fun with it than she is. They spent the evening scouting for crows to shoot at. 

I can't wait for summer nights with these two! And to maybe, just maybe have a little bit of a finished yard for them to play in, won't hold my breath though lol. On Sunday, it poured outside and was super stormy, we took a trip to the feed store for Trigger and the girls got to see the baby chicks. I promised if Lacey helps set up a brooder, we'll add a few more to our flock this year ;). Holly was in love with the chicks but she seems to love any animal! Great, another child obsessed with animals. 

We colored Easter eggs in the afternoon! Somehow, it always sounds so fun in the beginning and then mom ends up finishing all the un-colored eggs. But it was fun while it lasted. Holly sure wanted to help, but her idea of helping right now is not my cup of tea. She did color a few though! 

Holly experienced her first watermelon slice at dinner on Sunday and she is in love. I think she's had watermelon for every meal and snack since then. 

And to finish off our weekend, we fed the scraps to the bunnies and chickens and cut some fresh flowers outside for the kitchen. I can't say enough how much I love weekends with no real plans. 

Looking forward, I know that we are going to be so busy, but for now, I'm enjoying this dreary Monday, sitting on the floor in the playroom, listening to the kids giggle and play. I can't imagine my life any better than it is in this very second, but I know, the best is yet to come.