things that cross my mind

I think as a parent, especially a stay-at-home parent, you have good and you have bad days. Some days, my 4 year old listens to me, doesn't have an attitude, picks up her toys and plays gently with her sister. Holly takes long naps and mom gets to shave her legs in the shower. But then, there are bad days, mom doesn't get a shower at all, holly won't freakin close her eyeballs even when they're rolling in the back of her head cause she's so tired and Lacey has a meltdown because she wanted crushed ice in her water, not cubed. And I find myself losing my damn mind. I've come up with a list of things I swear cross my mind every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. 

-I'm going to make today a fun day, Lacey and I will do crafts together while sister naps and we can prance around together after we freshly manicured our nails and finished our makeup 

-Yep, not doing makeup today, don't even get a shower. No time for crafts, don't really feel like cleaning up the mess by myself when Lacey gets tired of it after two minutes. 

-My goodness, I seriously have the cutest kids ever, let's have an impromptu photo session. 

-Oh look, holly puked all down the front of her and the cats licking it off the floor. 

-Is it already time to feed these kids lunch? I just finished my breakfast!

-How the f am I going to manage three of these kids?

-Is Kameron off work yet??

-Sure, I'd love to watch Little Rascals for the ninth time today

-They're hungry again. Wtf

-Please take an hour long nap, I need to change my sweats

-What the hell am I making for dinner tonight? 

-Aww, hollys so cute, lets wake her up so we can all snuggle

-Nevermind, go back to sleep

-OMG it's only two o'clock 

-OMG it's already four o'clock 

-Is Kameron off work yet??

-Lets attempt to get dinner started, you sit here, you go watch tv and no one freak out for just a few minutes, please?

-HE'S HOME

-Eat the damn food, I'm not making you a different meal in an hour 

-Oh weird, you're hungry again? Good, I saved what you didn't eat for you on the table 

-Better start winding kids down for bed. HALLELUJAH 

-Lets relax together and watch a few shows 

-Nevermind were both falling asleep on the couch, lets just go to bed 

-Was I a good mom today? Did I tell the kids I love them enough? Does Kameron think I hate him? Seriously, should I go kiss Lacey again? I should check Facebook one more time, no lets just actually go to sleep. 

-Can't do that, the stupid cat is running around like a freak! 

-OK goodnight world 

I don't think for the next five years I will have any different thoughts running through my head than I do now. Maybe more of them, but always the same, the one that always haunts me though, is the 'Am I a good mom?' And you know what, I know I'm a great mom, so why do we question ourselves so much? My biggest goal in 2016 is to realize that Kameron and I are amazing parents, we do love each other unconditionally and we can conquer anything as a family. Yes, everyone has bad days but I'm beginning to realize that those bad days, really aren't so bad after all. 

oh december..

I can't believe we're already so close to the end of the year. 2015 has been such an amazing year and brought some of the greatest memories to our lives. My sweet Holly turned six months a few days ago and I can not believe how fast her first year is going by. We've been so busy around here, that I know that's why it seems time is flying by. Lacey is still loving school and has her first concert on Thursday! I can't wait to see her up on the stage. I think one of the most exciting things that's been going on is that our driveway is finally being finished!! I know, to some people that may seem trivial, but let me tell you how terrible this year has been without a real driveway. We went from terrible mud, to super dry, dust everywhere when you came in. Literally, I couldn't get out of my car for at least a full minute so the dust storm could pass. And now we're back to mud. Mud so bad, you are required to use four wheel drive or you won't be making it out of there. But thankfully, a few days ago, Kameron and Dan started on the driveway and I'm hoping they will be able to finish today. I think the first thing I might do is bring holly on a walk in her stroller, we'll actually be able to make it down the road! You guys really have no idea how much this means to me, lol. 

Life has been so good with both my girls. 

Aren't they literally the cutest things you've ever seen?! For Halloween, Lacey dressed as Doc Mcstuffins and Holly as Lambie. I don't think I have a cuter picture of Holly than how she looks in that costume. My heart melts when I see her little grin behind all that fur. 

We spent thanksgiving at a lot of people's homes. It definitely verified for me that we aren't going anywhere on Christmas! While it was nice to see everyone, it really makes for a long day for the kids and makes mom and dad grumpy when we have to run all over the country side all day. We attempted a family picture, here's the outcome 

Hollys cute little grumpy face makes it that much better ❤️ 

Some days i just want to squeeze them so hard they pop, and my heart explodes with love, and then there's the days when real life happens, and I want to squeeze them so hard they pop, hehe. Just kidding, but really, parenting is so hard! And it's so crazy how each day is truly a new adventure. We have amazing days and we have days where we don't accomplish anything since no one feels like cooperating. And I've learned to realize that's okay. Besides school days, we don't run on schedules, we go with the flow and don't push too much. And I feel like that's the best thing I've done with my second child. There's nothing to feel unaccomplished about when there is no to-do list. And don't get me wrong, we still have tons of crap to do all the time, but not being on a time frame, not pushing everyone out the door makes for a lot less stressful of a day. I keep worrying that this time next year, there will three of these little babies to get out of the house and that freaks me out a little, but I know that if we keep our same outlook and remember to always seek the positive, we'll be just fine :) 

We got our Christmas tree the day after thanksgiving in preparation for Christmas!! I have a little almost-four-year-old who can not wait for Christmas this year. I'm so excited to wake up Christmas morning and see the look on her face. There is nothing better than seeing the joy in your child's face. 

I'll let everyone know how our walk goes on the new driveway ;) we can hardly wait! Until then...❤️